hankrules2011

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Posts Tagged ‘thoughts’

No Insurance? Why?

Posted by Scott Holstad on January 16, 2013

Recently, I went to my appointment with my pain management specialist only to find out he’d left to go form his own practice. They gave me his new contact information. Why they couldn’t have contacted me and saved me the trip in is beyond me, but with health practitioners, not much makes sense these days.

So a couple of days ago, I called the doctor’s new number to schedule an appointment. It’s a post-surgery appointment, for Pete’s sake! It’s kind of important. As I was scheduling my appointment, the woman on the phone told me he wasn’t accepting insurance, so I would have to pay with cash or a money order. I was stunned! Appalled. Mortified. I’ve been out of work for awhile now and can’t afford to pay for health care visits out of pocket. More importantly, I have insurance — good insurance — and isn’t that what it’s there for? Why in the hell isn’t he taking insurance? Well, I’ve heard the reasons lately, mostly from health care practitioners, and it sounds like sour grapes to me. Doctors don’t make the money they used to with insurance. They don’t make enough money. They don’t want to take insurance anymore and would rather have people pay out of pocket so they can pocket all the dough. Greedy bastards! I guess two yachts and three mansions aren’t good enough anymore. I’m sorry, but don’t they understand that if they don’t take insurance, they’ll see a big drop off in patients? People can’t afford to spend $400 for a visit to the damn doctor! I know that’s a drop in the bucket to doctors. To me, that’s a lot of money and I don’t have it. I’m busy making insurance payments with it. Don’t they see this? Do they not care? Are they seriously this greedy and selfish? I’ve heard the sob stories. One of my former doctors said after he pays out his overhead and staff expenses, etc., he makes about as much as a teacher, but I find that very hard to believe. My fiance worked in the healthcare industry and I know plenty of other people who do as well, and I know how many patients these doctors are scheduling and how much they’re charging and I’m pretty convinced they’re not hurting. And besides, why do they have to be so damn greedy? I thought you got into medicine to help your fellow man. Or is that a thing of the past?

This isn’t isolated. A year and a half ago, I was dissatisfied with one of my specialists and started calling around to find a replacement. Not one was taking insurance. So I’m still stuck with this joker of a doctor. A similar situation occurred again about a year ago. I think this is a sign of times to come. Doctors just aren’t going to take insurance cause they want ALL the cash from the visit their patients make to them. And God forbid someone on Medicare or Medicaid seek medical help. All I ever see are signs on doctors’ walls stating they no longer take Medicare patients. WTF? Greedy bastards! I’ve heard people try to get me to pity them by stating that they went to college for eight years and had a residency to make it through and have big college loans. Well, boo hoo. I went to college for 13 years, have three — and nearly four — degrees and will be paying my student loans until I’m nearly 70 years old. And I don’t make anything close to what a doctor makes. No sympathy, sorry.

I’m not sure how to end this blog post. Has anyone reading this had similar experiences? Any advice? Any further thoughts? Any solutions? I’m really worried about the future of healthcare — mine especially — and if our expensive insurance is no longer going to be honored by our doctors, where does that leave us? Screwed, right? Right.

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A New Meme

Posted by Scott Holstad on May 2, 2012

A New Meme

 1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
 Closed.

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
 No. I bring my own with me.

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
 Out. I can’t sleep unless my feet are sticking out from under the sheets or I get too hot.

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
 No.

5: Do you like to use post-it notes? 
Yes. Quite frequently. I don’t know what would happen to me if I couldn’t make notes for myself….

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
 I don’t cut out coupons at all.

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? 
I guess bees? Both options suck.

8: Do you have freckles? 
No.

9: Do you always smile for pictures?
 Rarely. I don’t have a natural smile. That sucks.

10: What is your biggest pet peeve?
 Stupid drivers. Like run red lights stupid.

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
 No.

12: Have you ever peed in the woods? 
Yes, but it’s been years.

13: What about pooped in the woods? 
Yep. As a young boy scout. What the hell kind of question is that, though???

14: Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing? 
I don’t usually dance when there IS music playing. (Except in my mind, but that’s different.)

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? 
I suck on my pens. Bad habit…

16: How many people have you slept with this week? 
One.

17: What size is your bed? 
Queen.

18: What is your song of the week?  Van Halen’s new “The Trouble With Never.”

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
 Sure.

20: Do you still watch cartoons?
 Reruns. I like Pinky and the Brain.

21: What’s your least favorite movie? 
That’s a tough one. Maybe Mommie Dearest….

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
 Do you think I’d tell you???

23: What do you drink with dinner?
 Crystal Light or water or a decent dark beer.

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
 Honey mustard.

25: What is your favorite food?
 My girlfriend’s meatloaf, closely followed by Pizza Hut pizza (or Mellow Mushroom – very good too…).

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
 The Crow, Old School, The Matrix, The Hangover, Star Wars (the original first one), Mars Attacks, Iron Man, The Eagle Has Landed, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?
 My girlfriend.

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? 
I already mentioned that I was a boy scout.

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
 Hell no!

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? 
What’s a letter?

31: Can you change the oil on a car? 
I have, but I prefer to pay someone else to do it.

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? 
Several, but not since 2004.

33: Ever ran out of gas? 
Nope.

34: Favorite kind of sandwich?
 Grilled cheese.

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?
 Pancakes and bacon.

36: What is your usual bedtime? 
10:30 PM.

37: Are you lazy?
 Not usually.

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? 
Spider Man. A scarecrow. A vampire.

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?
 Horse.

40: How many languages can you speak?
 English. Took four years of German, but barely remember it. Picked up some Korean while living in L.A.

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? 
Yes. Entertainment Weekly. Los Angeles Magazine.

42: Which are better Lego or Lincoln Logs?
 Lego.

43: Are you stubborn? 
I can be pretty darn stubborn when I want to be. However, I can’t come close to my girlfriend. She’s the best at being stubborn. LOL!

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
 John Stewart.

45: Ever watch soap operas?
 No.

47: Do you sing in the car?
 Rarely.

48: Do you sing in the shower?
 Never.

49: Do you dance in the car? 
No. That’s a stupid question.

50: Ever used a gun? 
Yes.

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
 In 1995, for headshots for my sixth book, Places.

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?
 For the most part, yeah.

53: Is Christmas stressful? 
Now that I’m no longer with my ex, nope.

54: Ever eat a pierogi? 
No.

55: Favorite type of fruit pie? 
Cherry.

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? 
Architect, lawyer, US Ranger, state senator.

57: Do you believe in ghosts?
 Not too often.

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? 
Yes.

59: Take a vitamin daily?
 Yes.

60: Wear slippers?
 Actually, yes.

61: Wear a bath robe?
 Every morning.

62: What do you wear to bed? 
T-shirt and boxers.

63: First concert? 
Chicago.

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
 Target rocks!

65: Nike or Adidas?
 New Balance.

66: Cheetos or Fritos? 
Cheetos.

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? 
Peanuts.

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? 
Nope.

69: Ever take dance lessons?
 Yes, in college.

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
 Social worker.

71: Can you curl your tongue?
 No.

72: Ever won a spelling bee?
 Never participated in one.

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
 I think so.

74: Own any record albums?
 A bunch!

75: Own a record player?
 Sadly, not anymore. I wouldn’t mind getting one again.

76: Regularly burn incense?
 No.

77: Ever been in love? 
A few times. One major time. Now.

78: Who would you like to see in concert?
 Queen, Pink Floyd, Chick Corea, U2, Depeche Mode, Norah Jones, Journey, Front 242, David Bowie.

79: What was the last concert you saw? 
The Cure. But I’m going to be seeing Crosby, Stills, & Nash, then Van Halen, and later Dead Can Dance this summer!  J

80: Hot tea or cold tea? 
Cold tea.

81: Tea or coffee?
 Coffee.

82: Sugar cookies or snickerdoodles?
 Snickerdoodles!

83: Can you swim well?
 No.

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? 
I guess so.

85: Are you patient?
 Much of the time.

86: DJ or band at a wedding?
 Band. Definitely a band.

87: Ever won a contest? 
Yes, but nothing major.

88: Ever have plastic surgery? 
Nope.

89: Which are better – black or green olives? 
They both suck.

90: Can you knit or crochet?
 Neither.

91: Best room for a fireplace?
 Den.

92: Do you want to get married? 
Sort of….

93: If married, how long have you been married?
 NA

94: Who was your high school crush? 
Melanie P. She had beautiful thick brown hair and big brown eyes you could just sink into. Lovely to look at, very smart girl. Yeah, my high school crush….

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
 No.

96: Do you have kids?
 No. I’m allergic.

97: Do you want kids?
 No. See above.

98: What’s your favorite color? 
I don’t know. Red, maybe…

99: Do you miss anyone right now?
 Marcy, Celeste, Marc, Ami, Karen, Arnold, Little Amy, Andrea, Emily, and my late Uncle Earl and Uncle Ken.

100: How tall are you?
 About five foot eight.

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Writing and Working – 1991

Posted by Scott Holstad on April 26, 2012

I’ve been writing a few diary excerpts from old diaries I recently found. I thought I’d copy one here from the summer of 1991. I had moved from Knoxville to Phoenix during the Bush 1 recession and I couldn’t get a job. After getting kicked out of where I had been staying and literally relying on my car for living a little while, I eventually rented a room in a dump in Tempe before getting a horrible job in downtown Phoenix, where I then moved to be close to work. I worked from 6 AM to 6 PM six days a week plus one Sunday. That’s roughly 28 days a month. It was grueling. And I was getting up early and going to bed late to be a writer, writing feverishly for hours every day and then submitting stuff to mags and publishers. I don’t know how I made it. Anyway, here’s this entry:

__________________________________________

June 3, 1991

Long day at work today. Like always. When I got home, Knoxville Ami called me and we talked for awhile. I miss her. I wish I could hang out with her for a few days. I miss Robert too. We were quite the trio.

I got up this morning at 4 AM to try and get some writing done. I’ve been researching what pays because I’m sick of being dirt poor, living in a roach infested apartment in gangville Phoenix. Mags like Esquire pay, but they generally only accept about one unsolicited submission a year. Porn pays. Smut mags like Oui, Chic, Swank all pay $100-$400 a story. Hustler pays $500. Two of those a month and I’m doing a lot better. I got three pages done this morning. I have a lot of interesting experiences to draw from….

I really feel like my life, and life in general, is one big waste. I sit here every night writing and waiting for time to pass so I can go to sleep to get some rest so I can get up in the morning and do menial work simply so I can come home in a robotic state of making the hours pass so I can go to sleep again and escape, only to get up the next morning and start the same fucking grind all over again. No one seems to understand this nightmare — not even my closest friends. They tell me it’s a phase, a learning experience. I think “stagnation” would be an understatement. Brain and body rot is more like it…. I spend every day looking forward to my mail cause I have nothing else to look forward to in life. No money! No future! Nothing. Maybe I’ll get an acceptance from a magazine. It’s happening more frequently, but poetry doesn’t pay rent. Who am I kidding? Writer. Shit!

__________________________________________

Working 12 hour days 6 days a week for shit pay really wore me down. And my 2-5 hours of writing and submitting to magazines each day further wore me down, although sometimes I think it was also the only thing that saved me. I lasted in that environment two years before moving over to L.A. to go back to school.

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February 1990 Diary Excerpts

Posted by Scott Holstad on April 24, 2012

If you’ve been reading my blog at all, you’ll recall that I recently found 16 old diaries of mine, dating from 1984-1992. I’ve printed several excerpts here, and while I’ll keep most everything to myself, I might post a few more before putting these away in storage once again.

______________________________________

February 16, 1990

I’m feeling much better today. I was suffering from a tremendous hangover yesterday, worst one in at least three years. I had gone over to Carey’s with Nicole, a cute girl from Memphis I’ve been casually seeing for a little more than a month. She brought her roommate, Terri. We had a 5 liter box of wine, some gin, and some bourbon. Well, I went hard at the bourbon before turning to the wine and I just had to drink at least 3 liters of the stuff, all on an empty stomach. After awhile, we went over to Planet Earth to dance and party, and I got violently ill, so we left. I somehow made it home and passed out only to be sick all day Thursday. I puked in the morning and couldn’t get out of bed until 8 PM at least.

Today was kind of odd. I talked with Courtney and she gave me hell for Wednesday night. I then turned in a cover letter to the English graduate department. I’ve been cleared for acceptance by the UT graduate school. I hope I get accepted and get an assistantship. I was running some poems off later and heard someone say, “Scott.” A lot of people have been talking to me lately who I don’t know, so I was hoping to bullshit my way through this….

February 22, 1990

I’m feeling very unhappy these days. I’m sad and lonely and unhappy. I used to be a carefree, happy person! Now I hate everyone and everything. I had God, people, society, the huge joke of it all, myself (while I also love myself at the same time — warped dichotomy), life, eating, holidays, even sports. Everything formerly pleasurable now leaves me feeling empty. And girls! Why can’t I meet an intellectually stimulating, moderately attractive, gregarious, open minded, liberal, ambitious, non-materialistic driven, intelligent, sexually open girl who is reasonably compatible and trustworthy? Because they don’t freakin’ exist! Not here, anyway…. I almost wish I could go back to my innocent days when I didn’t know and didn’t care. I felt more content, happier. I enjoyed meaningless sex. Now I’m so sick of that! I want to be somebody, do something relevant — not just own things. I want to be a poet. Sadly, no one can deal with me because I’m so eccentric or, on my part, the vast majority of girls just don’t interest me anymore.

Two weeks ago, I read some of my poetry at the Laurel Theater. I’ll write more about it later. Two months from now, I’m reading at Davis-Kidd, a big step up. They have many published authors read there.

I think I’m starting to suffer from severe depression. You know, I was happy for years, most of my life. I haven’t been happy for a full year now. It’s been getting more severe since last June. Normally I’m a strong person, but right now I’m feeling very weak….

My parents are strongly suggesting I see a therapist again for the third time in my life. It’s odd that at the time of the greatest maturity and responsibility I’ve had so far, I seem to be sinking deeper emotionally. Indeed, while I’ve always been a bit of a cynical pessimist, I’m getting much worse. I’m don’t think I’m feeling any more bitterness or hatred than usual, but I’m getting more abrasive, critical, lonely, depressed, sad, disillusioned, etc. I feel like I’m sinking into a deep black hole I won’t be able to climb out of. And I don’t see how I can go back. Oh well.

______________________________________

I guess I had a flair for the dramatic. I don’t know if I should have just shared these words. After all, they’re the ramblings of a young college student who didn’t know shit about anything. Still, it’s been interesting to see where I was, where I’ve come from, what has transpired for me throughout my life. I wish I had kept my diaries more diligently….

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Arbitrary Diary Excerpt

Posted by Scott Holstad on April 18, 2012

As I’ve blogged about lately, I found 16 old diaries of mine, dating from 1984-1992. I’ve been slowly reading through them. I thought I’d open the one I’m reading to just any page and type out what I wrote for that day. Bear in mind, I was not overly deep as a 20 year old. Rather, I seemed to just record things that I did or that happened to me throughout the day. Aside from when I was writing like a drama queen due to tempestuous adolescent relationships, I rarely explored anything beyond the surface. Pity. Well, here’s an entry. For what it is….

November 10, 1987

It’s really a very rainy day out today. I got up at 11 AM and went to the library to watch A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Didn’t like it too much. I liked the print version so much better. I just loved reading it in class. While at the library, I talked with Stan, Bruce F, Ellen R, and Jane A.

Morris K sent me some materials for my big deposition this Thursday. Yikes!

Sherrie just called. I’m surprised. She said she’s not staying after class tonight. I asked her if she had weekend plans. Friday night, she’s going to a party at Scott G’s, and Saturday she’s studying. She has no time for me anymore. I can handle that. I guess I’ll go out with Margaret and/or Shellie. Jennifer will probably ask me out too. I asked Sherrie if she’d dance with me sometime again. She said she’d like to. She then asked an odd question: Do you always go dancing when you go out? Well, half the time I do. I enjoy it. I asked if that applied to her or to other girls. She said both. Well, she and I have gone to movies, the zoo, ice skating, plays, etc. Besides, she drinks a shitload of beer every time she goes out. So what’s the difference? I really don’t know why she asked that. Obviously we’re to be little more than acquaintances from now on. Oh well.

I went to class tonight and then the library. I saw Sherrie briefly before class. I also called Shellie and asked her out for Friday night. Laura H was at the library, but I just ignored her. I saw Kim W there and talked with her for awhile. We were friends at King. She’s a grad student now.

Later, I went over to Andy Holt apartments and talked with Laura S. Then I went up and visited Ellen W. She was really glad to see me. I then ran over to Ruby Tuesday’s to meet Karen. We had a few drinks and a good time talking. Sherrie had left a message for us to meet her at the Last Lap around 8. That’s one of Scott G’s hangouts. Sure enough, who shows up at 8:30 but Sherrie with Scott G in tow. We all got drunk. I left around 11:30. I had a good time with Karen. She’s considering telling Chip that she doesn’t want him to present her at Cherokee and instead asking of friend of hers — Grant. She and I talked about a lot of things. We decided that Sherrie has close friends to buy her drinks and then when they get too serious, that’s it, they’re gone. That’s probably what will happen to Scott G. I supposed at least he’ll get laid for his troubles.

It sure is nice getting dumped on. The sad thing is, I’m still crazy about her, even if she is a shit person. Hell, I’d do it again. She’s great. It’s just too bad that her character is as low as a ditch on the side of the road. What’s up? I’m nice; I don’t get it….

Well, good times. It’s snowy tonight, and it’s supposed to be a high of 41 tomorrow.

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Old Diary Excerpts

Posted by Scott Holstad on April 17, 2012

On April 11th, I wrote a post called Finding My Old Diaries in which I told of finding 16 old diaries of mine dating from 1984 to 1992 in an old box I haven’t touched since the ’90s. I’ve been slowly reading through them. I’m now on volume 7, starting July 29, 1987. I’ve realized in these first six volumes what an insipid twit I was. In my defense, I was a teenager going on 20, so I guess I’m allowed a mulligan, right? Heh. God, I was obsessed with relationships, sex, friends, music, sports and several other things. Wow, I was a drama queen! Hopefully I’ll mature in the coming volumes.

I thought I’d print a few excerpts from one of my old diaries about my wonderful long gone dog, Scamper, dying. She was a Schnauzer and had been my best friend for close to 16 years. Anyway, here goes:

August 10, 1987: I dug Scamper’s grave tonight. It’s very sad, incredibly unhappy, and I’ve been crying nonstop. She’s going to be killed tomorrow. Stroke. Wouldn’t make it. 15 1/2 good years. You couldn’t ask for a better dog. I’m going to miss her a lot….

August 17, 1987: Scamper died today finally. Mom took her. From what I understand, it was peaceful at least. I’m really very sad. I love her and I’m going to miss her…. I hope she’s happy now.

August 18, 1987: Scamp’s gone and I’m so terribly sad. She’s lying in her little grave, all alone. I feel like being bitter about it, want to be bitter, but there’s no one to be bitter at…. Last night, Chip and Laura came over and we went to Dee’s. We went out for some beer. Laura brought me flowers and they consoled me. I was really touched. It was truly very nice of them….

Well, enough of that. I didn’t write very much. My entries were all quite short back then. My later diaries have much longer entries, some that stretch on for pages. For a little levity, here is part of an entry from the next month.

September 10, 1987: This trip to Hilton Head was great — 10 days, eight of which were rainy. Nonetheless, we had a damn blast! We hit all the bars and restaurants for happy hours. I think I gained six pounds! I drank a lot of Becks Dark, Sol, and gin collins. At Ruby’s, we ran into Brian B and Mark L from Knoxville and ran around with them. About 20 of us rented CQ’s yacht one night and went out until about 3:30 AM. We had a keg, six cases of beer, and seven bottles of wine. One of the girls fell overboard and another got sick, but a good time was had by all (or nearly all — heh!)….

OK, so I partied a lot in college. Sue me. Everyone else did too. LOL! I guess this is it for now. I’ve encountered many interesting entries among all of the completely superficial ones, and it’s bringing back a lot of (hazy) memories. I’m really glad I found these. Maybe if I happen upon something else remotely interesting, I’ll blog about it….

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Finding My Old Diaries

Posted by Scott Holstad on April 11, 2012

While unpacking boxes today, I found 16 old diaries of mine dating from September, 1984 to October, 1992. Wow! Cool, yet embarrassing, I’m sure. I’m going to take my time going through them to see if I can even remember the things I wrote about. I’m really glad I found these. Blogging can be a form of diary writing, but with blogging, you share everything with the world. These were private thoughts. And in glancing through the first few pages of each of them, I can recall that I was interested in girls, sports, and music. Man, not much has changed over the years. LOL!

It’s been really interesting to see old friends mentioned, some of whom I’m still friends with, many of whom I barely remember. And the classes, nightclubs, sporting events, relationship drama, etc., et al. Pretty cool. Boy, I was a young, superficial twit though! I had some growing up to do. But bear in mind that these diaries are from ages 18 to 26, so I was young and immature. I guess many people can relate to that….

I’m think I’m going to do something stupid and crazy. And probably boring, frankly. I think I’m going to post a sentence or three from the first entry in each of these 16 diaries in chronological order. Yeah, humiliate myself. Why not?

  1. 9/23/84: Came back to school today from home. Had a good time over the weekend. I got about $1,000 worth of clothes for my birthday on the 19th.
  2. 2/3/86: Jane is my girlfriend of 11 weeks as of tomorrow. It’s almost a record for me…. I live in an apartment at Papermill Square Apartments with Donnie and his girlfriend, Kim. It’s a unique situation.
  3. 5/12/86: I’m working on a Religion paper due tomorrow. Jane, my girlfriend, is at work. I’m listening to The Beatles and Mott The Hoople. Tomorrow, I have a meeting with my psychologist, Ed.
  4. 8/13/86: I don’t care for her like I once did. She hurt me too much. She showed me who she really cared about this summer. Ed says there’s no way I should get back with her. Everyone else thinks the same.
  5. 11/21/86: Jane and I are going to go see An American Tail tomorrow night. It’s an animation film. Looks cute.
  6. 3/4/87: I’m going to be sold in the eligible bachelor auction on the 20th. I hope I do well.
  7. 7/29/87: This summer, Jane has gone to the beach, I’ve been up to Pennsylvania to see my friends, I started going out with Beth P and enjoying it, and going to weddings. That’s about it.
  8. 10/28/87: I still can’t believe I wouldn’t kiss her back last night. I wish she would act this way as much when she’s sober as when she’s drunk…. I have no idea as to how she’ll be in the morning, if she’ll even talk to me. I hope we can both apologize to each other and go on.
  9. 11/17/87: I saw Valerie B; she came right up and talked to me. I couldn’t believe it! I acted like I’m 16. We went to high school together, although she’s a year younger than me. She was an All-American cheerleader. Even though I was fairly popular in high school, there were some girls who wouldn’t talk to me….
  10. 12/31/87: Well, it’s the last day of the year. It’s really been a pretty good year. A lot of things happened — Jane, Serena, Chip & Laura, school, Pennsylvania, Sherrie — a ton of things. It was a hell of a lot better than 1986….
  11. 2/9/88: After classes, I went up to Dan M’s office to do some work for him. It was quite productive, actually.
  12. 5/11/88: Amy, Christy, and Vicki came to see me today. Next week, I’ll be working in other departments to pick up extra hours…. Suzanne hasn’t been in a great mood the past two days….
  13. 2/11/89: Last night, I went out with Karen, John, and Robert. We went to the Lap and to the Annex. It was only the third time I’ve been out this semester — 1st: Slamming Watoosies, 2nd: the circus. 
  14. 12/23/89: I got my grades yesterday. I worked my ass off this semester, probably spending six hours a day in the library. I got a 3.5 and High Honors…. I’m just too damn picky. There are a number of girls who would go out with me, I’m sure. There’s just something about them that makes them unattractive to me….
  15. 10/7/90: I apologized for viewing her in a brotherly way. She’s used to it though. I don’t know why I’ve never been able to feel romantically attracted to her. Too bad for me, I guess.
  16. 6/6/92: Big Head Press is still getting odd things in the mail. Strange submissions — something from a movie producer in L.A., request for info from a small press in Rhode Island. My own submissions keep going up and down…. Phoenix Amy called and asked if I wanted to go out tonight, but I declined. I’m just not sure if it’s the best idea for she and I to be alone… I just sense a strong undercurrent of sexual tension….

So, was I vapid, or what? Truly trite material. Still, it should be fun for me to read through all of these journals and relive some hazy memories. I think I wrote about girls too much though. LOL! I guess that’s it. Cheers!

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