hankrules2011

Book reviews, health, hockey, publishing, music

Posts Tagged ‘cats’

Depression

Posted by Scott Holstad on March 28, 2014

I think I’ve been in a deep depression since Toby’s death last month. And I think his death magnifies my father’s death last year. I should be feeling good, living in a nice, new house in a nice, quiet, safe neighborhood, but all I can think about is how Toby isn’t here and doesn’t get to see it and live in it and how Dad can’t experience it — he was a great handyman — and how he can’t help out around the house. It’s really disappointing and I’ve been struggling. My wife has commented on it. I don’t know how to snap out of it. Of course it’s not been helped by the poor, grey weather. That’s really been getting to me too. Years ago I was diagnosed with SAD — Seasonal Affective Disorder — but I’ve never been treated for it. Basically it’s getting deeply depressed due to extended poor weather, most common during the winter. I finally caved in and bought one of those lights for it. You’re supposed to be exposed to it for about an hour each morning, but I haven’t found or made that kind of time for it, so I don’t know that it’s doing any good. I’m spending about 20 minutes a day in front of it. I need to make a better effort. Meanwhile, I’ve been listless and I don’t care about a lot of the things I normally care about. Gretchen misses Toby and my dad too, but she only got to experience being with Toby for two and a half years. He spent his entire six years with me. I watched him grow from a demon imp kitten who I wanted to kill to a loveable, dependable companion cat whose company I really enjoyed. I/we really miss him. He had become Gretchen’s cat, so to speak, over the past few years. When she came home from work, he would jump up and go to greet her, just like a dog. I’m also having to deal with my mother, who I think has unresolved issues regarding Dad’s death and who is lonely and doesn’t know how to deal with many things, such as financial things. I’m having to help her a lot, but she calls me a lot and comes over and sometimes it’s a little overwhelming. She just bought a condo up in Knoxville and will be moving back up there in a little over a month, so that’s going to change the dynamics, but it will also be weird and I’m going to worry about her living alone at her age up there without me able to come over to help her with short notice. Additionally, my job situation hasn’t changed and our cash is starting to run low due to all we’ve paid out to contractors for new home repair issues — electricians, plumbers, appliance repairmen, handymen, etc. I’ve also had car issues and have had to pay some big bills for that, and I need a new oil pan gasket which, the dealer says, costs $1,700 alone just for the stupid part, never mind the labor costs. I’ve got a lot on my mind. I’ve got a lot going on. Things are starting to ease up now, which is good, but all I can feel is blah. I’ve had moments of happiness — time spent with my wife, time spent reading or going to the gun range for some target practice — but generally I just feel bad. And I don’t know how to fix it.

Posted in Health | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Toby is Gone

Posted by Scott Holstad on February 19, 2014

Yesterday, we had to have out beloved cat, Toby, put to sleep. We’re devastated. He was only six! It was kidney failure. He had been showing symptoms for a few months and we’d taken him to the vet before and changed his diet as a result, but a couple of weeks ago, he became really lethargic, and basically stopped eating and drinking. He enjoyed taking showers with us and drinking water out of sink faucets and he didn’t do that anymore either. He just slept and acted listless. Gretchen wanted us to take him to the vet last week, but because of the snow, we didn’t. This weekend, he appeared to be pretty bad and vomited five times in two spurts, so Gretchen took him to the emergency animal hospital (which costs a fortune!). They put him on an IV and said the blood work showed his numbers to be very bad. When I went to pick him up Monday morning, they explained that his numbers had come down a little, but not very much and recommended taking him to our vet for continued care. Well, I didn’t want to do that. He was acting better, so I took him home. And he ate and drank and let me pet him. He even rolled over on his side so I could pet his tummy, which he never does, and he got on my lap. However, as the day progressed, he started slipping back into his former state, so yesterday morning I took him to our vet. They put him on fluids and gave him blood tests to measure the results. I got a call from the vet around 1:15 PM. The news wasn’t good. His BUN had increased from 125 to 159. Normal is 30. His Creatin (sp?) has increased from 9.3 to 11.9. Normal is 1. She said the numbers indicated total kidney failure and recommended terminating his life. So I called Gretchen and we talked about it. We didn’t want to because he didn’t appear to be in any pain and he could still live, although not much of an existence obviously. So we decided to go with the vet’s recommendation. I called her back, gave her permission, and she did it immediately. We’re having him cremated and will get his ashes in an urn on Friday. And we’re just sick to our stomachs. Looking back over the past year and a half or two, we can see the signs now — the insatiable thirst was key. We just thought that’s the way he was. We didn’t know. I feel like a murderer. Gretchen said that when I took Toby away yesterday morning, she had a bad feeling she wouldn’t see him again and I worried about the same thing while I talked to him on the drive to the vet’s and again while waiting for the vet to come in the examination room. He looked beautiful. Angelic. Peaceful. I hope it went quickly and painlessly and I hope he’s in Heaven now, drinking out of golden faucets. We talked last night about his routines and how we’re really going to miss them. He was my morning buddy. I usually get up hours before Gretchen and he and I would hang out. I folded my clothes this afternoon and got sniffy because he loved to jump in a pile of warm clothes and pass out. Never again. Henry seems confused, and that’s understandable. He waited for Toby to eat last night before he ate. Toby always ate first. We’re really going to miss you, Toby. We love you Toby. RIP.

Toby and me on the sofa.

Toby and me on the sofa.

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More Stuff

Posted by Scott Holstad on November 23, 2013

I know, I know, I haven’t actually blogged here in a long time. It’s been mostly book reviews. But that’s what you people like, right? So anyway, this week was the 14 week anniversary of my dad’s death. And I finished up a grief support group I had been in for eight weeks. I’m not sure how helpful it was. Some of the people were there who had loved ones die years ago. I honestly think I’m handling this much better than many of them. And mine was the most recent. Of course, I miss Dad a lot. But I’m moving forward. It’s the only way to go. Meanwhile, Mom’s going crazy on the weekends, which is when she and Dad used to do things together. She’s very lonely. She’s considering moving back to Knoxville, where she has hundreds of friends and where her home church is. We had all talked about moving together, but Gretchen and I like the house that we’re in and we’re not that keen on moving, so Mom might go on her own. Which would make me worry and feel guilty. *sigh*

Our cat, Toby, has been having some problems. I took him to the vet three weeks ago. He has kidney damage. He’s overweight at 21 pounds and drinks water incessantly. Of course, he is a Maine Coon, and they like water, but still, it’s amazing to see how much he drinks. He actually gets in the shower with us, gets in the sink to drink from the faucet, drinks from my wife’s bath water. It’s crazy! We’ve put him on some kidney food the vet prescribed. This is actually the third one. The first two, neither cat would eat. They went on two three day hunger strikes before I caved and fed them their old food. The vet said don’t let them starve — if they don’t eat the “right” stuff, feed them their old stuff. Fortunately, this third type of food they are eating. I don’t know how this will help Toby, but we want him around for awhile. He’s only six.

My Steelers have won two in a row and play the Browns tomorrow. I really think we’ll win that one. My Vols play Vandy tonight and it’s a must win game. If we win this and beat Kentucky next week, we should get to a bowl game. If we lose, the season’s pretty much over. And Vandy’s no longer a pushover. They’re pretty good. So, I don’t have high hopes. Still, go Vols! Meanwhile, my Penguins have won three straight and are now 15-8 and leading their division. Sidney Crosby is leading the NHL in scoring, which is cool. I hope he wins another MVP this year. He deserves it. Of course, he has to stay healthy, but hopefully he will.

I was having trouble with my car seat. It wouldn’t move forward. Instead, it turned to the right, thus twisting my body right and making it impossible for me to see. Therefore, I had to put my seat all the way back at its lowest position and couldn’t see over the steering wheel. In any case, it was dangerous, so I took the car into the garage. I also asked them to check a window and to replace my two windshield wiper fluid jugs, both of which had cracked (for an astronomical price). Turns out they wanted to charge me a fortune just to take my seat out and apart because it was so complicated. It’s a Nissan dealer, but I have a BMW (which I’ll never buy again). They told me it was either a motor or a track issue and the part to replace it from the BMW dealer would be about $1,000 and all the work together would come to almost $2,000! I was astounded. Still, I had to have it done, so I said go ahead. I’d just have to put it on my credit card. So I was elated to get a call from them a couple of days ago telling me they could fix the front to back tracking and the recline, but not one other thing, but if I was okay with that, they wouldn’t need this extra part and it would save me a grand. Naturally, I jumped at that! When I picked it up yesterday, it was considerably less than I expected it to be, so I was overjoyed. Still, I’m never buying another BMW as long as I live.

In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been reading the usual sci fi. I’ve been reading biographies. They’ve been pretty interesting. I’m in a zone.

This poet I met in Atlanta a few weeks ago — Cliff Brooks — and I have exchanged some books we’ve written. I got an email from him yesterday saying he really thought the books I sent him were awesome and wouldn’t mind featuring me on his radio show. That’s pretty cool. I was once interviewed on Air America for 30 minutes, but that was years ago. Still, it was a national show and that was neat. Who knows?

Gretchen and I live in a nice middle class neighborhood, but there’s a shocking amount of crime here, and that’s disturbing. You may recall that our house was broken into in August and some things were stolen. They kicked in our front door, which was wooden. We subsequently got a metal door. And an alarm service, which makes us feel a lot safer. It’s possible we may have a handgun for emergencies, but we really wouldn’t have much need for it, other than target practice. I found out a couple days ago, I’m going to be getting my old .22 rifle (with scope) I used when I was young pretty soon. It was a great rifle and it’ll be fun getting out on a range again with that. And it can be used as home security too. Can never be too safe. We also each have pepper spray. We carry that with us all the time. The crime really is worrisome. And the cops don’t seem to care very much. They care about the rich areas of town, but the rest of us can go suck it, right? *sigh*

Ending on a positive note, there’s a large likelihood I may be selected to serve on our church’s vestry in a few weeks. If so, it would certainly be an honor and a responsibility I wouldn’t take lightly. I might even attend church more frequently. LOL! Gretchen’s in the new bell choir they just started. She’s also in the flower guild, and I serve as the church’s webmaster. We’re fairly active there.

I guess that’s all for now. Cheers!

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9 Rules of Being a Feline: Secret Code of Cat Behavior

Posted by Scott Holstad on May 11, 2013

9 Rules of Being a Feline: Secret Code of Cat Behavior | Pets – Yahoo! Shine.

If you have cats or know anyone who does, you have to read this article. It’s hilarious!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

My First YouTube Video

Posted by Scott Holstad on July 30, 2011

Hi! Sorry for the extended absence once again, but I’ve been generally pretty ill and haven’t had the time or energy to do much writing or much of anything in general, unfortunately. But I’m going to put something up today, dammit!

I just wanted to share with those of you who run across this blog that I finally, finally caved and started my own YouTube channel this week. And I think I’ve got a pretty diverse and cool bunch of playlists, but then I’m biased, right? LOL! Still, my new YouTube channel can be found here. The playlists I have so far are:

  • Goth
  • Industrial
  • Alternative
  • Favorite Classics
  • Bands I’ve Seen Live
  • New Wave
  • New Rock
  • World
  • Goth-Doom Metal
  • Indie
  • Poetry

Yeah, that’s right — I’m totally hip! LOL!!! I’m still adding to it and intend to as much as possible, so please feel free to check it out.

Anyway, I’ve got two kitties, Henry & Toby. They’re both SO co-dependent, it’s amazing! Worse than dogs. Henry comes when he calls. Toby takes showers with me. They’re the darnedest cats I’ve ever seen. So, I’ve used my iPhone to make a few little videos of Toby doing goofy things over the past couple of months. And after I started this YouTube channel, I wondered what would happen if I attempted to upload one of these. I looked around and saw that YouTube has a Pets category and when I looked through that category, I found videos ranging from 11 seconds to 7 minutes and everything in between, but many were quite short. The one of Toby I wanted to upload was only 25 seconds, but I think it’s funny as hell and I thought, what the heck, why not, so I did it a few days ago. I called it Toby’s AM Ritual and you can find it here. Spoiler alert: He likes to get in my bathroom sink when I shave in the mornings and drink out of the faucet. I’ve never seen anything like it and I think it’s hilarious, especially since it’s such an important routine for him, so I uploaded it. Only then did I find out there are apparently a trillion cats just like Toby, who are thirsty and go for faucets, so what I thought would be an original humorous little video is just one of many, and it hasn’t gotten very many views at all. Like, an embarrassingly low number. So, if you’re reading this, please go view the 25 second video because it IS cute and Toby needs more exposure. LOL! I’ve got another I’m thinking of uploading next week. Short but cute too, in a different way.

I guess that’s about it for today. There’s so much going on in my life right now, and so much craziness, that I wish I had the time and energy to just write it all out, but I don’t and I can’t, so thanks for bearing with me and I’ll try to write a writing-related blog post again sometime soon, ok? Cheers!

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